41. Ignore the Myths of Change
The element for this episode is “inspiration.” We explored this element last episode, busting the myth that you need to be fixed. In the episode, we’re talking more about the myths of change.
There's a jargon-y term that applies here, it's called the "fallacy of change." This is the belief that in order to be happy, to feel comfortable with ourselves, that something needs to change. We may believe we need to change, but often, we think someone else or something else needs to change. We’ll dive into this myth/fallacy more in this episode.
The paradox is, after we acknowledge this myth and move into more self-acceptance, then we break down the wall separating us from our joy. With that new space, our building blocks of joy can more quickly create the steps needed for more lasting, positive changes in our lives.
Key Takeaways:
- The fallacy of change is the rejection of our current state and a belief that our happiness is not in our own power, but dependent on the people or circumstances around us.
- Locus of control is important here... an internal locus of control is the belief that the outcomes of your actions are based on what YOU do. That orientation (when it's contextually appropriate) is important for mental health. We can't hold out our happiness based on external circumstances.
- Do you have a Dan Marino in your life? Someone who you believe held the football wrong on you? If you have no idea what that means, you just need to listen to the episode to gain the pearl of wisdom here (yes, it's from a Jim Carrey movie)...
- "Spotlighting the right" is a powerful behavioral change strategy. Instead of nagging or punishing, we can focus on the positive behaviors that are moving us toward a goal. It's a simple, but powerful shift.
- Fear, shame, and guilt are bad motivators for lasting change. They may ignite a first action, but the fuel fizzles out fast and the desired change doesn't have enough positive support to become a healthy habit.
- We'll dig more into how we can move beyond these myths in next episode.
Links Mentioned:
- Joy Lab Program (step-by-step practices to help you build and maintain the elements of joy in your life)
- Joy Lab podcast episode 10 ("Inspiration: The Engine of Joy" ... gives some great basics for this element of inspiration):
- Joy Lab podcast episode 40 (Resolution #1: You Don’t Need to Be Fixed)
- Nudge theory (Thaler's book- Nudge: Improving Decisions About Health, Wealth, and Happiness)
- Victor Frankl: The Will to Meaning: Foundations and Applications of Logotherapy.
