Welcome to Joy Lab!: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Joy Lab podcast, where we help you uncover and foster your most joyful self. Your hosts, Dr. Henry Emmons and Dr. Aimee Prasek, bring you the ideal mix of soulful and scientifically sound tools to spark your joy, even when it feels dark. When you're ready to experiment with more joy, combine this podcast with the full Joy Lab program over at JoyLab.coach
Henry: Hello, I'm Henry Emmons, and welcome to Joy Lab.
Aimee: and I'm Aimee Prasek. So today we are diving into our element of savoring. That's what we're working on this month here at the podcast and the program. So savoring is that important practice of giving our attention to, amplifying, and soaking in what is good. And we wanted to talk about how we can practice more savoring amidst a common experience that happens in late [00:01:00] January and early February, speaking from personal experience, which is essentially we get defeated by the resolutions we've set. So if you can relate, please do not be so hard on yourself. The majority of us, at least 50 percent of folks
Henry: I can't believe it's not higher.
Aimee: it is definitely higher. The other 49 percent lied and then there's 1 percent who did everything that they said. The research is lacking, so we can assume it's way higher. So, it's so common.
This is not a rare thing. Give yourself some grace. and I, but I do think it's important to note why it may be the case that we miss those resolutions we set, those goals. And most often it's because we've set unrealistic and overly rigid goals, very common, and because we don't have a connection to the goals we've set. [00:02:00] So we don't have a clear why, that we can savor along the way, and that can support us when the obstacles come up, because they will.
I like that way of thinking about savoring. That's, that's awesome. It's a way different way of, helping to use that to propel us. Let's plan to savor.
Henry: Yes, yes. But when you mentioned how we get defeated by the resolutions we've set, I could not help but think of this poem by Rilke that I often refer to. Let's see if I can get it right, winning doesn't tempt that man, this is how he grows, by being defeated decisively by constantly greater foes.
So winning doesn't tempt that man, winning doesn't tempt that woman, this is how he or she grows, by being defeated decisively by [00:03:00] constantly greater foes. I just love that reminder to me to not make too big of a deal about winning or losing. About being right versus, being wrong. Not to let it be about the resolutions themselves, in other words, or to get too down on ourselves for not measuring up, being defeated by them. Because that's not the point.
According to the poem, the point is to grow. So, if we're being defeated decisively by our resolutions, maybe the way to grow is by stepping back and doing something different. Maybe we're not facing the right foes. Or the standards that we've set for ourselves aren't the best way to motivate us. Maybe we're not thinking big enough and we need something greater in order to get our juices flowing.
Or maybe we just need [00:04:00] something that we can actually savor, that makes us feel good, get pleasure, enjoy, you know, sort of really get the full experience of it.
Aimee: Yeah, resolutions that we can savor. It's like, oh, they don't have to all be terrible. But, I think the point as well that you're saying here, Henry, instead of beating ourselves up and just soaking in the failure or brushing it off as yet another example of our inability to follow through with something, the real message is that we can step back.
We can do something different. Try another path. Because the point isn't perfection. We talk about that a lot here. It's more about moving a bit more northward than before.
Henry: Mm hmm.
Aimee: Let's remember that. So the strategy we'll get into today is best described by something called the overview effect. Also the big picture effect,
it's known as, we'll use overview effect. [00:05:00] This is a term coined by author and philosopher Frank White. I think he considers himself a space philosopher, which I think is very cool.
Henry: Hmm.
Aimee: I know.
Henry: That's a niche, a niche practice.
Aimee: It
was
an open market for Frank to really put his face in. It links up to
our, our element this month of savoring this overview effect, but also inspiration and awe, which are two of our other Elements.
So this is, this is a trifecta, I would say. So I want to set the stage here to describe this effect. Back in 1968, Apollo 8 went to the moon. And it got there, it didn't land, but it got there and it circled about 10 times. Now, of course, the point of that journey was to get to the moon. That was the singular goal, really. But after that journey, one of the astronauts had a [00:06:00] different idea about what the real purpose may have been. So, after getting to the moon, again, with that total focus on that end point, the astronaut realized it was actually when he looked back, looking at the earth from that vantage of space, that that may have been the most important reason to go to the moon. To see the Earth from a new perspective. And not just see it, but savor in it, to take it all in. So, space philosopher, Frank White, love it, had interviewed all these astronauts beyond just Apollo 8 folks and found the same theme that when these astronauts go into space, and as they kind of sit in this dark landscape around them, we can kind of all imagine this in our head. They see the earth bright against this dark landscape, this dark background, and then they see [00:07:00] earth, this one little planet in the midst of so much more around it. And in that moment of savoring, they have this overwhelming feeling of awe. This understanding that we are all connected and each of us part of something much bigger. And it stirs up a lot of inspiration as well for these astronauts. Here's a quote from one of them, Mohammed Ahmad Farris. He said, "from space I saw earth, indescribably beautiful, with the scars of national boundaries gone."
Henry: love that.
The scars of national boundaries. Wow.
Aimee: So I think importantly, you don't have to be an astronaut to have this experience, to step back, this kind of effect, this shift in, in being really where you feel deeply connected and you tap into a more full sense of meaning and purpose in your life. [00:08:00] And here, like, just to bring the spaceship back to Earth, as we're talking about the overview effect for our month of savoring, we're looking into how we can tap into this effect in such a way that just doesn't feel good, which is good though, but it also fuels us to take care of ourselves better and in a way that nurtures our inner life. So, whether you're orbiting the earth or sitting in your bedroom, the idea really is the same. We can get a bigger perspective. We can zoom out. We can zoom out from the messy details that might be snagging us or keeping our perspective kind of small and stuck in what's going wrong. We can zoom out with the intention of seeing more. And we can open up to savor more and step into our powers so we can make better choices and set meaningful goals that can help us grow. So Henry, why don't you take a swing at [00:09:00] this? How can we do that? How can we zoom out and set goals that we can really savor, that we really align with and that we can achieve?
Henry (2): All right. Well, let me try this by playing with kind of a common, maybe a little mundane example of a resolution. Okay. So, let's just say the resolution is losing five pounds, not 10 pounds. Five pounds just feels more realistic. Most of us would see this as doable. And many people apparently believe that this is something worth doing. At least enough worth it enough to set that is a goal.
So I want to try to do two things at once here. I want to try totalk about how to use the power of our observing self to, to work with this [00:10:00] and zoom out and use it, you know, get a better overview. So the observing self, and then I want topractice this concept you're talking about, Aimee, the zooming out in order to get a bigger
perspective. So a reminder that the, what we call the observing self, is our built in capacity to see what's happening inside of us, especially without getting caught up by our emotions or our judgments. So we're just seeing what is purely observing. You might say that this is what actually gives us the power, the ability to zoom out in the first place and get this perspective on our inner life.
It's, this is this built in capacity or superpower to, to be able to do this. So here's a, I'll just give you a really simple way to experience what we mean by the observing self. Just [00:11:00] take a moment right now. Unless you're driving, well, you can do this, I guess, while you're driving, you can keep your, just keep your eyes open, all you
need to do is take, yeah, if, yeah, good point, take a moment just to tune into your breath, that's all you need to do, just a part of your mind, not all of it, but just part of your mind that's just aware of the fact that you're breathing, no big deal, nothing fancy here. All you need to do is notice the in and the out, of your breath.
Do it for two or three breaths and you get a sense for it. You are using your observing self to do that. Now, let's say then that you set a goal of losing five pounds. So, just hold that thought in your mind for a moment and with your observing self, ask, "what am I feeling right [00:12:00] now?"Just tune into your chest and your belly
and see if you notice anything. For me, it's kind of, meh, you know, that's not going to get me very far. I can tell you that's not going to get me to lose five pounds. So it is time for me to zoom out. So you can do that very simply just by asking yourself a question such as, why is it important to lose five pounds, what would it do for me?
So I might say, well, maybe I'd look a little better if I lost just a little of that belly fat. So, I can check in with what I'm feeling right now by this observing of what's going on in the middle part of my body when I hold that question. It's still, meh, for me. Nothing much. [00:13:00] Not good nor bad, really.
So, zoom out a little further. I might ask myself, well, why would I do that? What does it matter if I look a little better? I'm actually not so sure about that. For me, I don't know that it matters that much. Well, maybe people would like me more, I might say to myself. And when I check in on that, that makes me just feel a little bad, you know.
What? Don't people like me now, or am I not okay as I am? That's not the right path for me, clearly. That feels more like negative motivation, which I have found over many tries, that does not work. It's just not going to do it for me. By the way, so far, none of those things get at any aspect of savoring or pleasure or how is this really you know, going to enhance not what I think about [00:14:00] me and my life, but my actual experience of my life.
So now I'm going to take a couple of steps back. If I'm going to keep this as a goal, I decided I clearly need a better reason to do it. So what about health or longevity? I mean, there's plenty of evidence that, you know, our abdominal fat is not good for our, our overall health and well being. Or even how I feel day to day.
So if I made some changes and cut back on some of the heavier foods I eat, you know, I might actually have the experience of more energy, feeling lighter, and that might do it for me. That might be enough for me. If I'm able to notice that feeling and have the capacity to get pleasure from it, savor it, just know, feel better and know that I'm feeling better.
And use that as motivation. [00:15:00] So for me personally, I have entertained this particular resolution several times, and it has just never caught on for me. And so when I zoom out like this, I kind of realize I personally need something bigger, something juicier, something that actually inspires me, which is not necessarily the same kind of thing as it would have been at another time in my life, 10, 20, 30 years ago.
It changes over time. So it's back to the drawing board for me, Aimee. I'm going to take this overview thing to heart though, and ask a bigger question of myself and, and then really try to apply not so much my objective, logical, thinking mind to it, but more of my physical sense that's capable sensory experience and [00:16:00] pleasure and enjoyment and some of the elements that we consider to be savoring.
Aimee: Yeah, I think that has to make its way in the equation. I love, thank you for that example, because I think also what you demonstrated is that as we zoom out, we're able to step back from what really are just so often messages that we're bombarded with, especially when it has to do with weight loss or things like that.
You know, just these messages, these self defeating, unnecessary, unhelpful, often ineffective messages that, that just don't make a lot of sense for any of us, quite honestly. And that don't steer us toward motivation and savoring in any good way. It just makes goal setting and achieving nearly impossible.
I think zooming out is, is really powerful practice. We can really then tap into, why am I doing this? Why is this something that's important to me? Because that really matters.And as you said then as well, how can I savor this along the [00:17:00] way? That'll continue to reinforce the fuel for motivation. I love this quote from astronomer Fred Hoyle. He said, "Once a photograph of the earth taken from outside is available, a new idea as powerful as any in history will be let loose." I think we can do that in our own lives. We can step back into that observing self, as you noted, and see and savor something profound that we are a part of. And it can not just help us set our goals, but it can ignite a new idea, a new way of caring for ourselves more deeply, and caring for others as well. And those ideas and those actions, those kind actions are as powerful as any other in history, just like Fred Hoyle said. Let's let those influence our goals and our [00:18:00] resolutions. So in the next episode, we'll actually have a zooming out practice for you to do. You'll play astronaut for a bit, and I guarantee you, it'll be worth the trip. But I do want to, before we go, I want to send you all off with another quote. This one's from Sally Ride, astronaut and physicist. She was also the first U. S. woman in space, and when she looked out into space, she famously said, "The stars don't look bigger, but they do look brighter." And for me, when I kind of sit with that, it's a reminder not to just incessantly sort of chase these goals that we think are bigger, but to shift perspectives so that we can see and savor what's brighter, because that really matters.
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